9.) Ocean Sunfish

This is the second part of a 10 day 10 part series of blogposts, the most fucked up animals in the world. For a full list of all the entries (once they're completed) click HERE.

Generally when one thinks of as sunfish one thinks of say, a gentle Koi pond. A lone Samurai walks up and down the length of his path, lost in musings of past battles. Perhaps of loves long lost, long forgoten; of his own sacrifices and those of his ancestors. One would seldomly think of a massive 3-ton 9 foot sea cow.



The skin of the Ocean Sunfish is considered a delicacy by some, and like all people stupid enough to eat a delicacy, they're eating poison.

Nobleman: "Mmm, dear I do say, these neurotoxins are quite delicious."

Noblewoman: "Verily"

Speaking of food the Ocean Sunfish eats Jellyfish, Comb Jellies, Zooplankton, Squid and Crustaceans - because they don't have a Fudruckers under water. They are solitary animals that generally like to be left alone so they can listen to their Morrissey mixtape that their ex-boyfriends made them. They must remain alone because you don't understand them; nobody does.

They also has anal fins. It's sad that an animal with fins on their anus doesn't rank higher than #9, but that's how it goes. But buck up old buddy, you danced yourself into #9.

10.) Death's Head Hawkmoth

This is the first part of a 10 day 10 part series of blogposts, the most fucked up animals in the world. For a full list of all the entries (once they're completed) click HERE.

Coming in at #10 is the Death's Head Hawkmoth. This little guy is famous for being totally hardcore, and he was into Poison way before it was cool to be into Poison. He will also emit a loud squeak if you try to fuck with him. I have to admit, squeaks aren't all that hardcore, but apparently it's loud so I'll give it some credit there. They make the sound by rubbing their palpi together with their probiscus which is something that you can't do.

Oh, and did I forget? They have a HUGE FUCKING SKULL ON THEIR BACK!

When not found raiding the moshpits, you can usually find them raiding beehives Whinnie the Pooh style - but the bee's won't fuck with them because they make farts that make them smell like bees. Totally awesome.

The Death's Head Moths are actually three different species of Moth: Atropos, Lachesis and, I shit you not, Styx.

This little guy barely pulled in at 10th place because there isn't a whole lot more to him. He's got a scary skull, blah blah blah, steeped in mythology, blah blah, blah.

Space penguins' reaction: "cautious optimism"

The space penguins of pluto breathed a collective sigh of relief when it was announced yesterday that pluto is indeed a planet, thus protectiong them from the Mongor armada that was poised to invade.

The gist of the decision is that Pluto is a Dwarf planet, as is the former moon Ceres and as is UB313. (Not to be confused with UB-40 the once popular pop reggae group).

The Mongorian overlord Robocheney could not be reached for comment.

Oliver

If ever there were a religion I could get behind, I believe it would have to be led by this fellow, Oliver: The Humanzee. Now this fella here isn't something that I made up while tripping in the woods (like the space penguins) but an actual, honest to goodness Humanzee. Oliver's story, like so many other Humanzee's, is a tragic tale of lies, deceit, and poo flinging.

Oliver was unlike many of his monkey bretheren. He stood up straight, had human like features, and had the stoic attitude that is an earmark of people.

On a tour of Japan, he was touted as the missing link between humans and monkeys. Oliver was eventually purchased, ripped away from his home (where apparently he wanted to hump his owner) . The most tragic part of his life was when he finally had his DNA tested and was proven to be nothing more than a normal Chimpanzee, in no way special except he acted a little bit different.

The little fucker is still alive today, no doubt not dragging his knuckles in some cage somewhere. He is considered a disgrace to humans for his inability to blend in with the common population, and a disgrace to monkeys everywhere who see him as a sellout, referring to him as a "House Monkey".

Live long in your metal cage, my sweet prince.

On another note I will no longer be spell checking my posts, as I am sick of Spellcheck.net suggesting I replace "Fucker" with "Fickler".

Pluto: Planet or hunk of crap?

Well, later today all those nifty scientists will be putting on their finest labcoats and meeting in Prague to decide the fate of pluto. Apparently there are some leftwing extremists that want pluto to stay a planet when we all know the real truth: If it doesn't have America on it, it ain't God's planet.

So I pose this question to you, dear reader(s?). Do we save pluto so that the space-penguin inhabitants may live another 5,000 years, or do we declare it a non-planet, allowing for the annexation by the villainous Mongor race of reptile men?